CostCo: The Trail of Blood

Lucy and I ventured to CostCo on Saturday. Big mistake. The store had only been open for a week and was the first for the franchise in Australia, so I expected things too be a little hectic. Well, hectic would have been a help. Instead I found matters to be out of control. After 30 minutes outside, lined up just to purchase a membership, being whipped by icy winds in the shade of the monolothic red CostCo cube, we finally made it inside. Venturing into that place without one of their giant shopping trolleys is the act of a mad man. By the time that I had filled my arms with bulk organic dark chocolate, a giant jar of sun dried tomatoes, two massive bags of Tasmanian mussels and some freshly baked bread, I knew I'd be in trouble.

Well didn't the shit hit me like I'm a fan of the stuff! I casually started towards the checkout, realising then that at the end of line I couldn't quite see the bloody start! So, arms full, I stood and waited, and waited, and felt myself becoming something not all that different to the arms on an analog clock. Yeah, you know they move, but they don't quite seem to be doing much when you're paying attention. This was just like that. At no point did I ever really feel like the line was moving, but after two friggin' hours I finally made it to the check out complete with the chuppa chup offered by the staff to placate my rage.

Two hours in a line and my mussels were losing fluid rapidly. I also felt a bit uneasy, not only about the wait and the weight of my goods, but for the fact that a steady trail of blood was in front of me and sticky beneath my shoes, having been dripped by the number of poor saps who had thought buying any sort of red meat was going to work out well.

Parking wasn't any better. The store's parking lot of course was full, so we had to park next door. That was $5 on top of the $60 membership we paid to join the obedient throngs in praise of the almighty red cube.

So will I go back? Yeah, but not in the next month, and never again on a weekend. I'll also be sure to be ready to buy a shitload of goods in bulk, making sure to bypass all of the weirdo items that seemed to be at every turn of an aisle. Who would have seriously thought that a store would need half an aisle full of nappies for grown women. Either there are a seriously high number of chicks into the whole adult baby thang in Australia, or senior citizens are in worse shape than I had generally imagined.

CostCo has a lot of potential. $5 for a massive bag of mussels leads me to this heavily researched conclusion. But DAMN - does it ever need to manage the crowds better!!

OK, it's after 4am, I've had my food, I no longer feel like I need to go for a jog after waking up at 1am, full of beans. Time to sleep.