Wednesday, 13 August 2008

Stop the Olympics, I want to get off!

The Olympics are broken, and assuredly - I can fix them. Take swimming for a first up example. An interesting enough sport, but medals are handed out left, right and centre, simply because there are a huge number of events. Let's fix that and reduce the number to something a little less, well.. fucked! Let's keep the 100m to prove the fastest person in a sprint and a 5km race to prove the person with the best endurance over a long distance. After all, events like the butterfly are ridiculous novelty events, which in reality are no less ludicrous than a track race by people only running on the tips of their toes or perhaps walking around on their hands. And how about the Medley event? What in the wide world of sports is that all about? Perhaps the event should be re-titled something a little more appropriate such as schizophrenia in water. If a race were to be held where all of the competitors were to race whilst wearing heavy gorilla costumes I'll retract my comments and give swimming my full endorsement.

Equestrian events are another random slice of dull crap sorely in need of revitalization. The answer is simple - If a horse breaks its leg and has to be put down, then so should its owner. Turn the shooting of riders into a major segment of the event, regardless of what they have or haven't done. Anyone game enough to wear one of those outfits probably deserves as much lead passing through their body as is scientifically possible. I would also advocate the idea of horses having to leap over giant piles of dung, or to perhaps trot across rickety rope bridges that have crocodiles in the water far below. All of the above is all the more necessary when either of these travesties again interrupt my viewing of a Boomers basketball game.

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